I don’t see today’s real news headlines from you yet.
Paste a list of **actual headlines from today** (or a news front page screenshot / text), and I’ll:
1. Pick **one** that clearly fits the **Animals** category
2. Write a **brand-new, fun, shareable Bored Monkee–style article** inspired by that real story
3. Give it a **catchy, original title** (under 80 characters)
4. Add **5 highly shareable, funny points** so it’s primed for social media
Send the headlines and I’ll get to work.