Animals Who Are Clearly NPCs In The Simulation (And Their Weird Scripts)
Look, at this point we can all agree: if we’re living in a simulation, the developers spent **way too many graphics points on animals** and not nearly enough on humans’ social skills. Some animals are just vibing. Others are walking around like they’re running buggy background code and waiting for a patch.
Let’s investigate the furry, feathery, and mildly suspicious creatures who are 100% acting like NPCs, complete with pre-written dialogue, broken pathfinding, and side quests nobody asked for.
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Pigeons: The Default Urban Background Texture
Pigeons are not real birds; they are animated props. Their job is to exist in the background, occasionally flap, and **never** react appropriately to human proximity. You can walk directly through a cluster of 24 pigeons and they’ll move five inches like, “Whoa, intense cutscene, bro.” Their AI routine is just: *peck → walk three steps → peck → rotate 15 degrees → repeat until nightfall*.
Have you ever seen a baby pigeon? No. Because the devs only spawn them in fully rendered. There are no beta versions of pigeons. They come factory-installed with a half-broken “fly” mechanic and a weird determination to stand exactly where your foot is about to land. They also all share one braincell WiFi network: if one takes off in a panic, suddenly the whole sky glitches into a feathery lag spike for no reason at all.
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Goats: Chaos Engines With A Physics Demo Installed
Goats behave like the developers unlocked a **sandbox mode** and forgot to turn it off. Their main quest: test gravity. Every surface? Must be stood on. Every object? Must be headbutted. Every fence? Merely a polite suggestion. They are basically four-legged parkour glitches wearing panic eyes and chewing on your belongings.
Listen to a goat scream and tell me that’s not a sound designer having the time of their life. They have zero chill: one moment peacefully munching grass, the next moment climbing a vertical wall just to yeet themselves off for… data collection? Some goats faint when surprised, which is not an evolutionary strategy, that’s a bug that became a “feature” because someone in QC went, “Nah, leave it, it’s funny.” If goats had a status screen, it would just say: *Morale: 100. Self-preservation: not found.*
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Ducks: Chaotic Neutral With Built-In Slapstick
Ducks waddle around like minor village NPCs whose only dialogue options are “QUACK” and “mild side-eye.” They’re shaped like they were drawn from memory after someone saw a bird once, but only for three seconds. Their feet say “webbed swimmer,” their wings say “sometimes airborne potato,” and their walk animation is pure comedy DLC.
They spend their day committing low-level crimes: stealing bread, starting turf wars with geese, and side-barging each other like drunk toddlers in floaties. They’ll stare at water like, “Yes, this is my domain,” then get knocked over by a tiny wave they absolutely did not see coming. Also, they sleep floating on water. The devs basically gave them a built-in waterbed and no respect for gravity. If you told me ducks were rendered last minute to cover up a bug in lakes, I’d believe you.
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Cats: The Main Characters Who Know They’re Player Two
Cats walk around like they have **developer console access**. They clip through blinds. They teleport into rooms you’re sure you just closed. They do that thing where they stare intensely at an empty corner for 47 seconds until you’re like, “Is the patch failing? Is something loading?” Their idle animation is 80% loaf mode, 20% judgment.
Every cat possesses a secret command line that lets them override physics. Knock object off table → object falls → human reacts → cat gains XP. They’ve clearly unlocked the “turn any surface into a bed” cheat, including keyboards, freshly folded laundry, and exactly the paper you’re trying to write on. Their purr? That’s the devs’ haptic feedback system. Their 3 a.m. zoomies? Just the server doing a mandatory reboot while they speedrun the hallway.
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Capybaras: The Unbothered Background Sage
Capybaras are the chill NPC who gives you one emotionally healing line of dialogue and then goes back to sitting in a hot spring. Their whole vibe is “unpaid therapist in a Pixar movie.” Every species sits on them: birds, monkeys, turtles, sometimes actual crocodiles who are like, “This is my emotional support potato.” And the capybara just nods, unbothered, regenerating everyone’s mental health bar.
They look like someone selected “rodent” in the character creator and dragged the size slider all the way to the right, then never adjusted anything else. Their walking animation is low FPS but very determined. They radiate “Nothing can surprise me, I have seen the code” energy. In a world of lag, pop-ups, and emotional blue screens, the capybara is the stable background process quietly preventing everything from crashing.
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Conclusion
If animals are NPCs, they’re doing all the heavy lifting in making this simulation entertaining instead of just a never-ending loading screen with student loans. Pigeons fill the skybox, goats stress-test physics, ducks add slapstick, cats abuse admin privileges, and capybaras keep the server vibes immaculate.
Next time you see any of them acting weird, just remember: that’s not a glitch. That’s premium content.
Now hit share and tag someone who is **definitely** running on the same buggy code as a goat.