Your Toilet Is Judging You And Other Weird Facts You Can’t Unread
You were just trying to exist peacefully on this spinning rock, and now you’ve clicked on an article that’s about to ruin your ability to ever feel “normal” again. Congratulations, you’re one of us now.
We dug through the dusty attic of strange science, awkward history, and “who approved this?” biology to bring you a collection of weird facts that are so uncomfortably memorable, you’ll be quoting them at Thanksgiving, in group chats, and probably during completely inappropriate work meetings.
Let’s break your brain in five gentle, deeply disturbing steps.
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Your Toilet Seat Is Probably Cleaner Than Your Phone
If you’re reading this on your phone while sitting on the toilet… this section is about to get very personal.
Studies have found that the average smartphone can have more germs per square inch than a toilet seat. Why? Because toilets get cleaned. Your phone? That thing goes from bathroom to bed to kitchen counter to your face, and you maybe wipe it with your shirt once a month and call it “sanitizing.”
Meanwhile, toilet seats are smooth, non-porous, and get scrubbed with enough chemicals to dissolve a small ghost. Your phone, on the other hand, is basically a bacteria Airbnb. And if you’ve ever handed it to a child, congrats, it’s now a biohazard museum. So next time you’re worried about sitting on a public toilet, just remember: the true villain… is in your pocket.
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Octopuses Have Three Hearts And Zero Respect For Aquariums
Octopuses are basically underwater escape artists with anxiety and too many organs. They have three hearts, blue blood, and enough intelligence to open jars, solve puzzles, and emotionally manipulate aquarium staff (probably).
They’re infamous for escaping their tanks: squeezing through tiny gaps, unscrewing lids, and sometimes straight-up walking across the floor to another tank like they’re on a lunch break. They don’t have bones, so if their beak fits, they quit. There are legit stories of octopuses sneaking out at night, eating fish from another tank, then slithering back home before anyone notices. That’s not an animal, that’s a coworker stealing your lunch from the office fridge.
So yes, there are creatures in the ocean with three hearts, nine brains (sort of), and the energy of “I’m done with this job” at all times. Sleep tight.
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Your Stomach Thinks Toothpaste Is A Snack
You know that gross feeling when you brush your teeth and then drink orange juice and your mouth is like, “Hey, this is illegal”? That’s because most toothpaste contains sodium lauryl sulfate, a foaming agent that messes with your taste buds.
It temporarily shuts down the sweet receptors on your tongue and boosts bitter ones, so orange juice doesn’t just taste bad — it tastes like it has a personal vendetta against you. To your mouth, it’s like going from “ah, refreshing citrus” to “why does this taste like betrayal?”
Meanwhile, your stomach is just down there like, “Cool, minty chemical foam again, no worries, send it through.” It does not care about your flavor experience. It’s built to handle knives of Doritos and molten pizza cheese; a little mint-flavored soap is Tuesday.
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Pigeons Can Recognize Human Faces And They Remember You
You know those pigeons casually walking around the city like they pay rent? Yeah, they know who you are. And they’re judging you.
Research has shown that pigeons can recognize individual human faces and remember who’s nice to them and who isn’t. People who feed them? Approved. People who shoo them away like feathered peasants? Emotionally blocked and possibly targeted for future poop attacks. They’re basically little flying surveillance cameras with legs.
In some experiments, pigeons could even distinguish between different types of art styles (like Monet vs Picasso), which means there are birds out there with more refined taste than your ex who still has a “Live, Laugh, Love” sign in their kitchen. Next time you make eye contact with a pigeon, understand: it’s not a random bird. That’s a tiny, beady-eyed archivist updating your file.
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Bananas Are Radioactive And We’re All Just… Okay With That
Bananas are slightly radioactive. Yes, the fruit. The one you casually throw in smoothies and awkwardly eat in public while trying not to make eye contact with anyone.
They contain potassium-40, a naturally occurring radioactive isotope. Not enough to hurt you at all — you’d need to eat millions of bananas very quickly to have a problem — but enough that scientists literally use “banana equivalent dose” as a joking unit to explain tiny amounts of radiation. Somewhere out there is a serious physicist saying, “This is about 50 bananas worth of radiation,” and no one is stopping them.
So technically, every time you eat a banana, you are a very low-budget superhero who has absorbed microscopic radioactive energy… and gained absolutely no powers, unless we’re counting “mild constipation or the opposite.”
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Conclusion
You started this article with a peaceful brain and now you’re walking away knowing:
- Your phone is a germ-infested chaos gremlin.
- Octopuses are three-hearted jailbreak artists.
- Toothpaste is out here gaslighting your taste buds.
- Pigeons know your face and they have *opinions*.
- Bananas are radioactive and we’re just rolling with it.
If your first instinct is, “I need to haunt my group chat with this immediately,” follow that urge. Share this with someone who looks too calm today and remind them: reality is much weirder than anyone signed up for.
Welcome to the Bored Monkee brain club. No refunds, only more cursed knowledge.