25 Mildly Unhinged Things You Do That Are Secretly Hilarious
You know how every quiz right now is like, “Are you a people-pleaser?” “Are you the problem?” “Is your attachment style just ‘vibes’?” Let’s be brutally honest: most of us are walking red flags with Wi-Fi. And it’s… kind of hilarious.
Consider this your chaotic little mirror: 25 weirdly relatable, mildly unhinged things you probably do that prove you’re not alone—you’re just living in 2025 with the rest of us sleep-deprived goblins. Read it, tag your friends, and start a group chat called “We Need Therapy But This Will Do For Now.”
---
1. You Rehearse Completely Fictional Arguments In The Shower
You’re not just washing your hair; you’re delivering a 47-minute TED Talk to an imaginary hater who said something rude in 2013… or didn’t… you just needed a plot.
You always win the shower arguments. You’re eloquent, devastating, and somehow British. You bring up evidence, timestamps, screenshots you don’t even have. In reality, if the person actually confronted you, you’d say “lol it’s fine” and then cry into a pillow for 8–10 business days. Screenshot this and send it to the friend who is currently in Season 4 of their soap-opera shower universe.
---
2. You Apologize To Objects You Bump Into Like They’re Unionized Employees
You walk into a chair: “Oh my god, sorry.”
You slam the fridge with your hip: “My bad, queen.”
You close the laptop too hard: “Love you, thank you for your service.”
Meanwhile, when a real human bumps into you and almost dislocates your shoulder, you still say “Sorry!” like you just caused a small war crime. If you’ve ever said “excuse me” to a doorframe, congratulations: you are officially more polite to furniture than to your own nervous system.
---
3. You Can’t Say “No” So You Say “Haha Yeah Maybe” And Then Evaporate
Someone: “Want to come to a party Friday?”
You: “Hahaha yeah maybe, sounds fun!” (translation: I will actually perish)
You won’t say no, but you WILL:
- Wait 3 hours to respond
- Blame “work” (you watched three seasons of a show where nothing happens)
- Send a final “So sorry, totally spaced 😭” like you weren’t rehearsing this escape plan at 8:02 AM
You’re basically a people-pleaser who’s slowly evolving into a ghost. You don’t set boundaries; you practice social evaporation.
---
4. You Use Your Notes App Like It’s A Secret CIA Vault
Your Notes app is not “organized.” It is a crime scene.
Inside, there are:
- 43 half-written apologies you never sent
- A grocery list from 2022 that just says “bread? batteries? new personality?”
- One (1) paragraph of a novel you were SURE would change the world
- A “Things To Say In Therapy” list that you never actually say in therapy
But also, somewhere in there is your TOP TIER roast for the next time someone disrespects your job, your relationship, or your haircut. You’re one screenshot away from going viral, and you know it.
---
5. Your Internal “Moral Compass” Is Actually Just Vibes And Group Chat Polls
You don’t make big life decisions alone. You open the sacred temple: the group chat.
- “Is this text flirty or am I illiterate?”
- “Am I overreacting or is he the worst person alive?”
- “If my partner kissed someone at a party ‘as a joke’ that’s cheating, right? RIGHT??”
The group chat immediately becomes The Hague. There are exhibits. There are screenshots. There are voice notes that start with “Ok so here’s everything from the beginning.” By the end, you’ve held a full-scale trial, assigned 87% guilt, and chosen your next move based entirely on a poll with four options: “Block,” “Soft ghost,” “Communicate like an adult (deranged),” “Revenge hair.”
---
6. You Treat Your Hair As Your Personality’s Emergency Reset Button
Bad week? New bangs.
Mild inconvenience? Dye it copper.
Tiny argument? “Chop it off. All of it. Now.”
You walk into the salon saying, “Nothing crazy,” then show the stylist a picture of three different people and a cartoon character like, “Something like this but also not really? I trust you.” Two hours later you’re staring in the mirror trying to convince yourself, “Hair grows. Hair grows. Hair grows,” while your friends comment “OMG STUNNING” because they fear you.
Secretly, you love the chaos. If your life is falling apart, at least your split ends aren’t.
---
7. You Proofread Texts Like You’re Submitting To Harvard
Talking in real life: “Yeah, totally, uh… same.”
Texting: You are a novelist, a poet, a politician in a scandal.
You type:
“hey”
“heyy”
“hey lol”
“hey!!”
“heyyy omg sorry just seeing this” (you saw it instantly)
You delete and retype the same sentence 17 times only to finally send “haha no worries!!” and then spiral for three hours in case they read it as aggressive. Meanwhile your friend replied to your 14-paragraph vent with “dang that sucks” and then went to sleep peacefully.
---
8. You Have Entire Friendships Conducted Purely Through Reels And TikToks
You haven’t spoken on the phone in 2 years, but if they stopped sending you “THIS IS SO YOU 😂” videos at 2:17 AM, you’d absolutely check on them.
Communication tiers:
- Texting: serious conversation
- Voice notes: panic or gossip
- TikTok/Reels: pure love language
You’ll send 12 videos in a row with zero context and then write, “Okay last one, I swear.” It is never the last one. But it’s fine because your friend responds with “STOPPP LMAO” and a 7-minute rant about their situationship. This is modern intimacy.
---
9. You Mentally Rehearse Saying “No Pickles Please”… And Still Whisper It
You can give a work presentation. You can survive a family gathering. But asking a stranger to modify your sandwich? Trial by fire.
You practice in your head: “Hi, can I get a burger, no pickles please?”
At the counter: “Hi can I get a burger… it’s fine… whatever… thank you…”
You accept whatever they hand you like it’s a legally binding fate. Then you go home, remove the pickles yourself, and rant to three people and possibly a Reddit thread about “the principle of the thing.”
---
10. You Think You’re Low-Maintenance But Your Standards Are “Confusingly Specific”
You’re like, “I’m so chill, I don’t need anything,” while simultaneously requiring:
- Triple-confirmed plans
- Correct meme etiquette
- 3–5 business days’ notice to leave the house
- Specific texting tone (not too dry, not too eager, just feral enough)
You don’t need flowers, but if someone says “K” instead of “OKAYYY” you will think about it until the sun explodes. Low-maintenance externally, high-maintenance in the group chat post-game analysis.
---
11. You Treat Your Phone Battery Like It’s A Personality Trait
Some people are “always at 3% with no charger.” Others are “if I dip below 80% I start drafting my will.”
The 3% crew lives on chaos, borrowed chargers, and blind faith. They will board a 6-hour flight with 9% and a smile. The 80%-or-bust crew has a cable in every bag, every room, every car. If they’re at 49%, they say, “My phone’s basically dead,” like a Victorian maiden about to faint.
Whichever you are, you judge the other side like they’re a different species.
---
12. You Have Entire “Imaginary Breakup” Scenarios With People You Aren’t Even Dating
You matched once. They liked three of your posts. Now you’re imagining:
- How they’d propose
- The fight you’d have at IKEA
- The dramatic breakup speech where you whisper, “We’re just not right for each other”
You’re practicing a monologue in the shower for a relationship that fully lives in your Notes app and Instagram Explore page. Honestly, Netflix should pay you for the emotional plotlines you’re generating for free.
---
13. You Seriously Overthink Which Side Of The Bed You Sleep On… Alone
You sleep diagonally across the entire bed like a starfish with anxiety, but if someone asked, you could give a 25-minute explanation about your “side.”
“That’s technically *my* side because that’s where the charger is, but also I need to face the door in case someone breaks in, even though I will absolutely just freeze and die, but still…”
It’s not about safety. It’s about vibes and access to snacks.
---
14. You Open Messages, Don’t Reply, Then Post A Story
You’re not ignoring them. You’re just too tired to interact… but not too tired to post a picture of your iced coffee with “little treat 🧋” energy.
You’ll fully forget to respond to a heartfelt paragraph but will absolutely upload a meme to your story with “Me rn” like you’re not publicly flexing your digital alibi. Then you send “SORRY JUST SAW THIS” even though they saw the “Seen” and the three new stories and your Spotify activity.
You’re not cruel. You’re just a disaster.
---
15. You Treat Your Pet Like A Therapist With Zero Credentials
You: *trauma-dumping while pacing the kitchen*
Pet: *stares, blinks, thinks about dust*
You: “Exactly, that’s what I was saying.”
Your cat has heard every detail of your situationship. Your dog knows more about your co-workers than HR does. You have absolutely said, “Am I overreacting?” to a creature that eats lint and would abandon you for a rotisserie chicken.
---
16. You Rewatch The Same Three Comfort Shows Instead Of Starting Anything New
There are 40,000 new series, 12 streaming platforms, and a thousand “You HAVE to watch this” texts. But your brain goes, “Or… hear me out… the same sitcom you’ve seen 11 times.”
You know every line. There is no suspense. And yet you sit there like, “Whoa, will they get together this time?” No, they won’t. But your nervous system thinks this is emotional chamomile tea, and honestly? It’s not wrong.
---
17. You Say “Let’s Catch Up Soon!” Like You Didn’t Just Commit To A Full-Time Job
You bump into someone you like but haven’t seen in 6 months. You both do the ritual:
“We should totally catch up!”
“Yes, absolutely!”
“We’ll plan something!”
“Definitely!”
No one opens a calendar. No one suggests a time. You just walk away having signed a social treaty you will never honor. The next real catch-up is scheduled for: one (1) more accidental sighting in 2027.
---
18. You Screenshot Messages Instead Of Reading Them Properly
Instead of calmly processing a message like an adult, you:
1. Screenshot it
2. Send it to the group chat
3. Ask, “How do I respond without sounding mad but also a little mad but also chill but also hot?”
By the time you reply, you’ve had three peer reviews, one draft approved by committee, and still end it with “lol” so no one can legally prove you have feelings.
---
19. You Set Alarms For Things You Could Just… Remember
You have:
- An alarm to drink water
- An alarm to switch laundry
- An alarm to “start getting ready” that you ignore 5 times
- An alarm labeled “literally leave the house NOW stop scrolling”
You wake up to 19 different alarm names like “future you will hate you” and “stop being a raccoon.” You still snooze every single one.
---
20. You Judge Past You Like They Were A Completely Different Tax Bracket Of Stupid
You’ll find:
- Old selfies: “Why did I think that haircut was legal?”
- Old texts: “I actually typed this with my thumbs?”
- Old emails: “Why was I saying ‘per my last email’ like a 47-year-old lawyer?”
Past you was doing their best with limited Wi-Fi and worse eyebrows. But it’s fun to treat them like a character whose life you’re binge-watching while yelling, “NO, DON’T TEXT HIM BACK.”
---
21. You Think In Tweets And TikTok Sounds Instead Of Actual Thoughts
Your internal monologue is 30% your own voice, 70% trending audio. You’re mid-argument and in your head you hear, “Am I the drama?” You stub your toe and think “Love that for me.” You see something mildly inconvenient and your brain instantly goes, “This is going in the group chat.”
You’re not a person; you’re a walking For You Page.
---
22. You Say “I Don’t Care” Then Care More Than Any Human Ever Has
You: “Honestly, I don’t care. It’s whatever.”
Also you: refreshes their profile 14 times, zooms into photos, recites timestamps like a detective.
You will say “It’s fine” with a smile and then write a 3-season emotional thriller about it in your head, with a soundtrack and closing credits. You don’t want revenge; you want a confession and maybe a carefully worded apology drafted by your therapist.
---
23. You Weaponize “Typing…” Like It’s Psychological Warfare
You start a message, delete it, start again, delete again. Meanwhile the other person just watches “Typing…” “Typing…” “Typing…” like it’s a horror movie.
You aren’t doing it on purpose. You’re just chronically overthinking every punctuation mark. But on their end, it feels like you’re loading a boss-level attack. Then you finally send: “Haha okay sounds good!” and they age 7 years.
---
24. You Have “Main Character Energy” Only When Walking With Headphones In
The second you put headphones on and go outside, you are not commuting. You are starring in a critically acclaimed indie film that will win three Oscars and wreck Tumblr.
Raindrop? Cinematic.
Streetlight? Spotlight.
Bus window? Emotional montage vehicle.
If your playlist hits just right, you will absolutely stare out the window like you’ve survived five wars and two forbidden romances when, in reality, you’re just on the way to Target to buy toothpaste and vibes.
---
25. You Read Lists Like This And Tag Three Friends Saying “THIS IS SO US” While Ignoring The Parts That Hurt
You will share this and go:
“#2 IS YOU”
“#8 IS LITERALLY OUR FRIENDSHIP”
“#16 IS ME LMAO”
You’ll conveniently skip the ones that made you go “oh.” That’s okay. We’re all doing it. That’s the joke—and the group discount on therapy.
---
Conclusion
If you recognized yourself more than five times, congratulations: you’re not broken, you’re just extremely online and weirdly polite to chairs.
Send this to:
- The friend who apologizes to their coffee table
- The one who lives at 3% battery and pure chaos
- The group chat that basically runs your moral compass
Because if we’re all mildly unhinged together… then actually? We’re perfectly fine.